Friday, February 11, 2011

So you think your angry ? Here's whats really goin on..

 When you are in a moment of anger, if you stop and look deeper, under your anger, you will almost always realize it is really sadness, pain, or disappointment you are experiencing. You are feeling as though you are not receiving what you need at the moment, whether it is validation of your feelings, the lack of someones attention or support, or  maybe feeling someone has wronged you.

In that moment you feel the experience of lacking something and it had triggered anger because you are less vulnerable when angry, than when you are expressing sadness. Everyone experiences anger. It is an indicator that something more is going on, and that you should look deeper to see what it is.

How are you really feeling?  Why is this situation causing you to feel anger?  Where is the pain coming from?  What are you not receiving, that you feel you need in that moment?  What in your past reminds you of this situation?  When you notice you are angry and are able to recognize where this pain is coming from, you are able to communicate with others more efficiently. You can explain why you are feeling upset. When you are honest with yourself about what is really going on, there is no room for error and less chance of someone else misinterpreting what you are trying to say and the chances of resolving whatever it is that made you angry, can be worked through on a conscious level.

This doesn't always mean the situation will be immediately resolved, but it is easier to understand and deal with it, when you are feeling and thinking about the real issue rather than focusing on the anger. When your frame of mind is focused on anger, you can become defensive and find yourself not dealing with the real issue.

Anger is a great tool for humans because it gives us the chance to see that something is going on beyond the anger, offering us the opportunity to heal what it is. The ability to see through your anger and understand that there is more going on, and being willing to bring to the surface, why you are experiencing your pain, takes practice. It takes not only practice but it also takes patience with yourself, as you learn to separate yourself from your anger in order to see the real issue.

Exploring your anger is something that takes honesty and  courage. Sometimes it even takes integrity, for we may be surprised about what we learn about ourselves, and effort may be needed on your part to resolve the underlying issue. Over time you may find yourself becoming angry less and less, as you learn to analyze your anger rather than act upon it in a non productive way.

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